Things That Make Me Smile

In this first thing it isn’t the video that’s important, it’s the audio part that really made my birthday yesterday night. My brother Keith, his wife and 2 kids (+1 on the way – but you can’t hear her) called and left a message on my answering machine.

First is Keith (my brother not boyfriend), then his wife, then Tyler, and then Brittany… then Tyler again just before Keith hangs up. Purdy funny.

Second was my boyfriend Keith’s 2 cute little ecards. They really mean a lot to me, and he always picks such good ones.

Third was my best friend Meghan’s blog post:

Happy Birthday that you want to ingnore and pretend it isn’t your Birthday…
Happy Birthday Jenny. Elek wishes you a day of fun outside involving some sort of water games and possibly bubbles. He hopes you have all the ketsup and other condiments your little heart desires. He also soends wishes of dry pants, milk at bed time and lots of snuggling. Adler would like to send you wishes of a warm place to curl up with all the food you can suck down. Perhaps even some quite rocking to soothe you.”

Fouth, was my mom being on ickiness patrol all day, stopping people from pissing me off before they could. I realized, in a rare moment of clarity, that I am clearly PMSing and so her job was 10x harder than usual. She’s a great lady, even when she’s driving me absolutely mad (and I’m sure the feelings are mutual).

Last but not least, was all the commenters on my blog. Thanks for all the happy birthdays, it meant a lot.


My birthday cake. No, this isn’t an old photo from childhood, it was this year’s. Clearly I’ll always be the baby in my mom’s eyes.

Birthday? What birthday?


My third Birthday

Over the years, atleast the adult ones, I’ve had quite a bit of drama surrounding my birthday and it’s really just made the day something I dread. Granted I’ve had a sprinkling of good, but they’re so few and far between that they seem almost cancelled out by the bad.

In my family it’s tradition to make a big deal about everyone’s birthday. Well, I don’t know if it’s a big deal, but getting “the horde” (as I’ve dubbed them) together is no easy task. Not to mention the emotional trauma that is sure to ensue from it. We all go out to dinner in a resturant of the birthday person’s choice and we each bring a gift. Doesn’t really sound like a production, but when you factor in that I am the one shopping for my parents and, a lot of the time, David (my oldest brother) it becomes a chore I don’t look forward to.

Anyway, tomorrow is my birthday and like last year I know it’ll be a craptastic day. I really don’t even want a birthday, and no, not because I’m worried that I’m aging, I seriously forget how old I am on occasion. Then there’s the whole being a year away from 30 (after tomorrow) and still looking like I haven’t reached 20. So really, age isn’t something I worry about. It’s the actual day that gets to me. Last year I told my mom I didn’t want to do the dinner thing and she forced me into it. Bob (my step-dad) didn’t go, David (brother)didn’t go, and that just leaves B-renda (the bearded dwarf) & Van (another brother) to go because everyone else lives out of state. So my mom and Brenda and Van went out to eat last year, we went to TGI Fridays because Van & Brenda were already there, and I hated my meal. So I gave in and then got disappointed….again!

Anyway, lets just pretend, since my honey won’t be in town this year either, that it’s not my birthday but I’ve aged a year. Deal? Good, thanks.

Coming Out of the Woodwork!

Well, today must be Friday-drink-a-box-of-wine-and-email-someone-day because I got an email from this guy that stalked me over the internet years ago. I talked to him out of pity, and he seriously made my life so depressing! It was bad enough to be going through the crap with my ex, and then on top of it he was so…….eeyore-like. Ya know, “Nice day, prolly rain.” I finally had to just put him on ignore and then again and again because he made more accounts to instant message me with. Yeah, he’s that weird.

So, as I was saying, out of the blue Mr. Box’o’wine decided to email me.

Jen,

I know we haven’t spoken in some time, and with your 29th coming up in just a few days, I got to thinking about you and thought I’d say hello. I’d have written closer to the 10th, but I’m possibly going to be out of town and didn’t want to forget. Don’t worry, this won’t be a Regina-esque e-mail 🙂

I read through your latest blogs and it sounds like things haven’t changed a terrible lot over there for you.

Anyway, he goes on for 7 more paragraphs before he ends it with hugs. I emailed Keith with a “you’ll never guess what” subject title and forwarded off the email for him to enjoy too. He said the same thing I was thinking and I decided to email Mr. Box’o’wine back.

To spare you from the longness in my berating him, I’ll give you the finer points of the email.

“I do not care to hear from you ever again, this will be the last email I ever send you. If you have my phone number, forget it. You’ve always been toxic to me, and you always will be. Remember that the next time you want to write me on how you’re doing. I’ve been wanting to write to you to tell you this, but I didn’t have any of your information.

“Let me just give you a heads up. The past was horrible for me. You were the most depressing person I’ve ever known. You brought me to my lowest of low points and all I wanted after talking to you was to not be in a relationship anymore. Thank God my Keith came into my life.”

And I ended it with “I hope you find someone someday that you actually want to date or whatever. Or not, I really don’t care.”

So, after it’s all said and done, I have nothing to say but…this.

Newspaper Salesmen

Today while I was exiting the grocery store I was harrassed by some newspapers guys. A small note of caution to all pushy salemen. Do not make me mad when I’m in my happy place away from home. Anyway, here’s how it went:

[salesman #1]: Want a free newspaper?
[me]: Uhh…nah. I don’t need one. Thank you.

An elderly lady has problems getting a cart out and boxes me in next to the salesmen.

[salesman #1]: Are you suuure you don’t want a free paper?
[me]: Yeah, possitive. I hate the news.
[salesman#2]: How can you stay in touch with the world without the news? Did you know that (blah blah) had a heart attack?
[me]: Well, for one, I read the news online and save a few trees. Plus, I read about things other than what’s happening around here.

The elderly lady has moved and I try to escape. Salesman #2 actually, and I’m pretty sure purposely blocks my way to “talk” to someone else (a.k.a. harrass them).

[salesman#1]: Come on, it’s one paper and it’s free.
[me]: Ugh. Fine. Give me the stupid paper.
[salesman#1]: (slowly draws over the bar code – for what reason I still have no clue.) You know why we’re giving these away?
[me]: I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.
[salesman#1]: (now laughing) Well, we have a deal (yadda yadda yadda).
[me]: (staring blankly) Ok?
[salesman #1]: So just fill this out and we’ll gladly start your service.
[me]: Uhhh…no. You asked if I wanted a paper, I said no, you kept at it and blocked me in and now I’m agreeing to your stupid free paper, how does all that compute to you starting me on a service?

He stares at me blankly.

[salesman #2]: Ok – here’s a better deal. (He shows me some laminated paper of something I don’t even bother looking at.)
[me]: What part of my agreeing to a free paper made you think I wanted to then start paying for a service?
[salesman #2]: It’s a great deal! It’s practically free when we give you these great grocery store gift cards. Infact, you actually make 15 cents.
[me]: No, I don’t want a paper. I don’t even want the “free” one now.
[salesman #1]: You come here a lot, right?
[me] What the heck is that suppose to mean?
[salesman #1]: (now turning red) No, I mean… you shop here all the time, right?
[me]: Uhh.. what are you getting at? Are you calling me fat? Is that how you sell a paper? My husband cancelled the paper a long time back for some reason I forget and I should talk to him about it anyway. (Which is obviously a lie because I’m not married.)
[salesman#2]: (shoves his cell phone in my face) Here, call him.
[me]: Are you serious? No.
[salesman #2]: We might not be here next time if you leave now.
[me]: Well, a girl can hope, can’t she?

I then left with a smile, which is what I should have done long before I did, but I did have some fun playing with their heads. A pushy salesman never wins with me….especially when I’m away from home in my happy place.

Ms Sausage Toes

Well, as promised, here is the photo of the sausage toes.

Maybe they’re more like Fred Flinstone toes but up close it’s like her toenails are hanging on for dear life. Anyway, I apologize for the picture quality because obviously I couldn’t take a picture of her feet with her knowing so I had to set the camera on the museum setting (which has no flash or sound).

The visit ate up nearly the entire part of the day, and of course I play hostess whenever we have a guest so I was in making lunch, making a veggie tray, making sure she had something to drink. When she left my mom was all “Lets go out and get water.” and I looked at her like she had a third eye. She sat and talked and got things brought to her, so of course she’s ready to go. Silly woman. I opted for a nap instead and then treated myself to some ice cream.

Tagged!

The very clever and beautious Bug over on An Indian Summer tagged me for this meme, and it’s actually a really interesting one. I’ve seen it a few times as I scanned through blogs and some are pretty darn funny.

Instructions:
1. Go to Wikipedia.
2. In the Search box, type your birth month and day (but not year).
3. List three events that happened on your birthday.
4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death.
5. One holiday or observance (if any).

My birthday: July 10th

Events
– 1212 – The most severe of several early fires of London burns most of the city to the ground.
– 1821 – The United States takes possession of its newly-bought territory of Florida from Spain.
– 1951 – Randy Turpin becomes the middleweight boxing champion after defeating Sugar Ray Robinson.

Birthdays
– 1452 – King James III of Scotland (d. 1488)
– 1980 – Jessica Simpson, American singer

Death
– 138 – Hadrian, Roman Emperor (b. 76)

Holiday
– Bahamas – Independence Day – Independence from the United Kingdom in 1973.

See that? Kings are born and die on my birthday. If you do this one let me know so I can read it, I love this meme. So…. I tag Keith, Meghan (sorry no link for her passworded blog), and Donnie. Get tah doin’ it, peoples.