F*ck A Duck

There’s a new site ( the title is the link ) that just started up that I think is going to be absolutely hilarious once people start posting to it. I know most people have had a “…F*ck a duck…” moment and since I think this should be fun, I highly recommend hopping over to read what the site is about… or hey, send something in!

On another (similar) note, I got two emails back from the snow demons. They both apologized, but basically said that they did what they wanted to and I had to “be tolerant of the city”. We’ll see how tolerant they are when I call the cops on their arses next time. It was a nice stress reliever to go off on a complete stranger, though.

Also my brother Van and his “wife” B-renda have been really freakin’ calling me lately. Mostly to make me help them move stuff that doesn’t fit in their cars. B-renda has been sending me these freakin’ camera phone pictures to my cell and it’s making me nuts! I can’t stand her leg-humping dog, why would I want pictures of his rat-looking face on my phone? Plus being nice to B-renda for this long has been so torturous I have to take it out online. I’ve been playing World of Warcraft to up my geek factor to a “whole nubah lebal” (whole nother level). Don’t worry, my posts won’t start out with “u r so not 1337~” or whatever.

Speaking of leet speak, I can’t stand Bobby Flay from the Food Network. There’s something about his ego that rubs me the wrong way, not to mention he never makes anything I like and his new show is stupid. Challenging people that make something really well to see if he can make it better? What a pompous arse. Not to mention he says something about, in the beginning, like ‘Will I win? Or will I be “the lose?”‘ I was like “THE LOSE!?” Someone has seriously been playing counter-strike too long or something. Don’t bring your poor english and bad cooking on my T.V. Man, he’s almost up there with Racheal Ray on my GRR list.

Lastly, is it just me or is the new Quiznos commercial messed up because of the girl that says, “It’s not lackin’ any meat. That’s what real women need!” and then she does this scary laugh? Her friend, or the woman standing next to her, has a pretty stone faced reation like, ok I’m going to agree so I don’t mess anything up here. Pretty funny, disturbing, but funny.

Oh Yeah!?

My war with the snow people continues! Here’s the email that I CC’ed to Daryl, the guy that called me and said he’d do nothing, when I emailed his boss Clint:

Mr. Keener, [Clint]

I live on [blah-blah-blah house across from school path blah]. Last Thursday, February 15 th, I watched as one of the school’s maintenance workers pushed snow from the path across the street on to my property, and then turned and blew the snow along the curb – going about half way around my property. I immediately called the school, but since school was out there was no one I knew to talk to about the matter and so walked over to the school to talk to the maintenance worker myself. I asked why he’d pushed the snow on to my property and his explanation was that he had 3ft of snow. Baffled, I said that now I had his 3 ft of snow plus the snow that was already there and that it was practically up to my chest. He asked me, rudely, what I’d like him to do about it and when I said that I’d like him to remove it he said he could probably push the snow further on to my property and up against the fence. I then explained that what he’d done was illegal, and that I didn’t want him to push salty street snow further up on to my property to potentially kill grass. He said he’d take a look. Forty-five minutes later he came and pushed the snow further on to my property and against my fence, even after I’d specifically asked him not to do that. At my wits end, I decided I’d wait until Friday the 16th to call and talk with someone at the school since dealing with the maintenance man didn’t work.

When I called the high school the principal’s secretary gave me Sue’s number and said that she was the person I needed to talk to. Sue was very kind and understanding, and asked what she could do to make it better with me. I’d explained that I wasn’t able to get through all the snow that had been snow blown onto my property alone and that I’d like if someone could come out and remove it like I’d originally asked. She said she’d pass my story on to Daryl Stumph and have him call me. When Mr. Stumph called he was very nonchalant about what had happened, explained that he’d driven by my property and had seen what had been done and that he saw no evidence of the snow being blown from the curb but that he saw where it had been pushed from across the street. He said he couldn’t guarantee that it wouldn’t happen again. When I got off the phone I felt bushed off and very angry. So I called Sue, who had been very kind, back and asked to be transferred to Mr. Stumph again.

This time I asked him why he’d called if he wasn’t going to stop this from happening, as it has happened year after year, and wasn’t going to do anything about it. He said he’d handle what he could on his end. When I asked him what he meant by that he just repeated that sentence with no explanation. Then he said when he made the trip by my property that he saw no evidence of the snow being blown from the curb and so I told him that if he’d like to come by again that I’d show him where the snow had been blown up, illegally, and I was very angry that he’d basically called me a liar. The phone call ended with him giving me no answer what “handling it” on his end meant he’d do for me and he also said that he didn’t know that it was illegal, that he didn’t know the law, and that if I wanted to quote him the law I could but that he didn’t know it was true.

So, I’ve included the city ordinance in this email, and the link incase that’s not good enough. I’ve also CC’ed this email to Mr. Stumph in hopes that this illegal snow dumping can finally stop. My family has been dealing with it for years and we’re tired of it. I came to him instead of just calling the police because I imagined he’d want to fix what his employee had done to me and I was sadly disappointed.

Thank you,

(a) No person removing snow from any driveway or sidewalk within this City shall deposit the same on the pavement or sidewalk of any public street or on any tree lawn in any public street, except the tree lawn immediately in front of the premises from which the snow is removed.
(Ord. 63-99. Passed 11-4-63.)

(b) Whoever violates this section is guilty of a minor misdemeanor.

And then I included the link. Hopefully this gets Daryl in a little bit of hot water considering how I was treated. I fully plan on saving this letter (thank you Gmail) incase I have problems with them in the future.

My Bad Side

When it comes to people that know me I like to think that no one thinks of me as a mean spirited person, but in reality if you’ve ever been on my bad side, or someone did me or my friends/family wrong, then you know I’m a force to be reckoned with.

I live behind the local high school and have to deal with many, many things done to the property because of it. See, there’s a path that leads from my street to the high school so when football games let out, or anything school related, something happens to this property. We’ve had our flag pole bent in half, our fence broken several hundred times including a time when a teenager plowed through it. Rarely do we call the police about it. Very rarely.

After all that, it’s really a pretty nice place to live. If I want to go over and see a game I can just walk there, the track is open to the public so I can walk that, and there are several trails and such around the high school that are just outside my front door.

Now to how these two things, my bad side and the high school, have clashed. Last thursday I was sitting at my kitchen table talking to my mom on the phone and I watched out the window as one of the maintenence people at the hich school pushed 3ft of snow on to my property, snow blowing more from the street (which is salty) on top of that. After he did that, he went along the curb and blew the snow from there up on to my property as well, going about half way around my property to do it. As I told my mom what was happening she told me to wave him down and tell him it’s illegal. So, I hike my butt to the high school in sub-zero temperatures to yell at him. He says he has no idea what I’m talking about, but if I want him to move the snow he piled up on my curb he could push it back further onto my property. I said, “I don’t want salty, grass destroying snow further back. Take it away.” He said, “I had 3ft of snow.” I said, “And now I have 6 ft, thanks to you. How am I suppose to shovel snow up to my chest away? It’s not MY problem when you don’t know what to do with snow, but you certainly made it my problem. Now I’m making it yours.” So he comes back 45 minutes later and pushes it further on to my property and up against my fence. Dude, are you kidding me? This means war.

So school was out and I wasn’t able to talk to anyone about what had happened, so I called the next day when school was back in. I was transferred to a Sue O. who was very, very nice and sympathetic and wanted nothing but to help me out. She said she would also call her boss and leave my story with him along with my number. I was seriously happy that someone was going to do something. We’ve dealt with this EXACT problem year after year, and we’re really freakin’ sick of it. So later that day I hear from her boss, who I thought was Jeff but apparently he’s like Gary or Garrette or some other G name. He started the conversation off asking me if I had a question. Uhhh… yeah, when are you removing YOUR snow from my property… but I didn’t say that. I told him the whole story, explained that his worker was rude, that Sue was very nice, and that something should be done. He said “Well, I’d like to guarantee that this won’t happen again, but I can’t.”

Whaaaa? It’s illegal! He went on to say, “You know how it goes, you tell one person, but then someone new does it the next time… things happen.” I said, “Umm…ok?” and he said, “Well, I’m sorry this happened and I hope it doesn’t happen again.” I said, “Right.” and I knew now that they weren’t removing what they put here and they weren’t going to prevent it from happening again. So when we hung up I called Sue O. back and asked her why she had Jeff or Gorden or whatever his name was, call me. She sounded really uncomfortable and said, “Well, he’s my boss.” as though her hands were tied. “Would you like to talk to him again?” So I said, “Yeah, transfer me, will ya?” So she does and I go OFF on him. I ranted. I was angry.

Me: So, you’re telling me that you can’t control your workers and that you don’t give a crap what they did to my PRIVATE property? Why did you call in the first place, to tell me you don’t care about the law? It’s illegal.

Him: No, that’s not what I said. Those are your words.

Me: You said you can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again, which says to me that you can’t control what your workers do, and that you’re not doing anything about what they did, so that says that you’re not doing anything about it. What part of that isn’t true?

Him: Look, I said I’d do everything I could on my end.

Me: Which is?

Him: *silence*

Me: Hello?

Him: Yes?

Me: What do you plan on doing?

Him: I said I’d do what I can on my end.

Me: Yes, what is that? Yelling at someone? Removing the snow? What?

He said he’d do what he could and I mentioned it was illegal again. Granted all he’d do was pay $5 – $10 at most, we’re not a large community, but it’s still against the law. The word illegal didn’t intimidate him. He said, “You can quote me the law, if you want to show me the law I don’t know, I’m not sure what the law is.” Whatever dude, so he thinks this is something little that I shouldn’t be upset about. Ok, that’s fine.

So I’ve gone online and I’ve printed out a copy of the city ordinance that says it’s against the law. I plan on sending it to him, his boss, and Sue O. Maybe it’ll make them sweat a little, hmm?


Well, it’s no fun to read a depressing blog but I have to say that it’s even less fun to write the way I’m feeling. I think I’m just missing the loads of snow we usually get and aren’t, and then again maybe I’m missing the sun, I really don’t know.

I feel like a lot in my life is about to change and that I don’t really have the power to stop it from happening. I just have this ucky feeling that my life just doesn’t have a purpose. I mean, I don’t have a “job” and when I mention going out and getting one I hear the complaints from both my mom and Keith. I’ve been thinking of doing some on-line schooling for web-design but I haven’t really been able to find anything respectable. If anyone knows of reputable on-line courses, please send me an email or leave a comment. I’m just tired of being me, and I feel like I’m holding back from something I can really do – possibly – very well.

Ok, I haven’t slept and so I’m going to go to the grocery store and bum around there and do some damage. I miss having a dog.

Horray for randomness! Sorry about the weird post.

Bleh again.

Alright I’m posting!

By now anyone that may have once read this blog will have likely stopped even wandering this way, but such is life.

Not a ton has gone on since my last post, actually.

I went out to visit Keith over the holidays, and while it was too short, it was too long at the same time. It was just kinda bleh.

I’ve been really depressed lately maybe because I haven’t had a real sleeping schedule in ages, I donno. I feel like I can sleep all the time, but I can’t obviously because it’s 4:30am and I’m blogging instead of sleeping. There are days that I’ve just waited it out and then couldn’t sleep because I was too tired! Just lameness all around.

Keith’s been really busy with work lately so I haven’t really gotten to talk to him much which also contributes to the depression, I’m sure. The saying about distance making the heart grow fonder is very true, but I think the next trip I’ll be taking will be to Florida to visit with my mom.

My life is just kinda sucking. If anyone else wants to share the suckage, please do. Misery loves company.

Christmas Again?

I know by now I should be in the spirit of Christmas, I’ve baked countless cookies, wrapped presents, stringed up lights and garland, put little red bows on everything possible…. but it’s just not happening. I went shopping with Meghan when she came unexpectedly in to town and we had a HUGE blast and laughed the whole time and that’s when my spirit for Christmas started to peek it’s head out. I tried coaxing it out a little more by making 20 million batches of cookies and then I delivering them to the neighbors.

I went to the neighbors we call “kitty corner” and the husband’s mom answers the door. She then proceeds to tell me EVERYTHING about them, which I like because I like to know stuff, but I felt a little bad for them at the same time. I’m a pretty private person so hearing how she keeps her dog poop bags hidden behind a bush, how she’s doing too much just before Christmas, how her house is a mess, yadda yadda might have been pushing the privacy thing. Oh well, I loved it all the same…she’s a gossiper and there’s nothing like good gossipy story. So I thought, hey, this is nice… I feel good.

Then I went next door to the Jerk house. Kind of uncomfortable because Shelly pretends she knows everything about everyone. I blurted out, “Wow, our neighbors are sure working hard in their house.” in a moment of uncomfortable silence and she says, “Oh? What are they doing?” Like she was offended they hadn’t told her about it before they started. Then I was even more uncomfortable because I like to hear gossip but I hate to spread it. “Oh… umm.. they’re redoing their laundry room and it looks really fantastic from what I could see.” I barely saw more than a glimpse but if what I say might be spread around the neighborhood then I want it to at least have the “fantastic” word attached somewhere, right? So I leave and go over to my backyard neighbors but no one comes to the door so I go to “Doodie’s” house and no one answers the door their either so, I hadn’t planned on giving the people with arsehat teenagers (who likely aren’t teenaged anymore) cookies because last year they threw snowballs at our windows a few days after I gave them cookies (not a good sign) so I decided that since it was Christmas and I was outside already, why not?

I want to start here by saying, the front door of your home is not sound proof. The people on the other side can most definately hear you. In the future when you’re saying something nasty or rude about the person on the other side of the door, either say it quietly, or don’t say it until you know they’re gone. Just a little front door etiquette for ya there.

Sooo… I hear, “Oh geez…” from the mom and then the daughter says, “Just don’t answer it, she’ll go away.” At this point I was ready to abandon my holiday mission of kindness and leave them without my very freakin’ tastey cookies… and then the front door opens. I try to act happy as I shove the cookies at her (the mom) and say, “Merry Christmas!” but what I really should have done was say, “Never mind.” and walked away. She acts all happy to recieve them and says, “Wow! This is a surprise!” like she wasn’t going to totally ignore the fact that I was at the door 5 seconds earlier. I half smiled and said, “Take care.” when I really should have said, “I hope you choke on them, whore.” and left. I was still walking down their lawn when the garage door opened and I didn’t even look back until I heard the daughter say, “She really made all those?” in her best snobby Blahvillage way. Her mom said, “Yeah.” and the daughter replied, “Gawd, get a life!” and they both laughed and got in the car. I couldn’t get in my house fast enough! Why would anyone say something like that about someone who has never said anything unkind to them about anything, including the times they’ve thrown fireworks in our trees, shot a paint gun and broke our kitchen window, and countless other things. I called my mom and as I told her the story I couldn’t keep the tears from coming up.

Bah humbug to those bastages and I hope they choke on my cookies! F-tards. Oh yeah! And I hope the cookies make them really fat…err…fatter. AND! I hope they all lose their hair too. And get crabs from some public toilet seat.

Merry Christmas to the rest of you, though. I’ll be spending it out of state with Keith and his kids and then we’ll be driving back next thursday for new years weekend here at home. How are you guys spending your Christmas?


In my last post I mentioned being locked out of the house, well that’s a pretty messed up story so since my mind is on random I thought I’d tell it.

The wednesday before Thanksgiving I got a call from my mom and when ever I mentioned anyone in the family she would say something like, “Yeah, well… I’m too pissed to care. I’m really hating people right now.” Assuming I didn’t belong in the people she hated category I asked what was up. She said that Bob had been on the phone with his demented son Rob and she caught him saying something along the lines of “Yeah…mmhmm….I don’t see that being a problem, Rob.” and asked him what he was agreeing to. Since Rob had decided he needed to move again (thank God because now he won’t be close by) my mom was afraid Bob was sending him more money.

On a side note I should mention that Rob has told my brother David that he’s waiting for Bob to die so that he gets the money he’ll inherit.

Anyway, it seems Rob had it in his head that he was going to stay HERE in this house while he was in between cities. I never thought I’d be so happy to be sick in my entire life! My mom (the quick thinker) told Bob that it was impossible because I was way too sick to have anyone in the house. Rob countered that by saying he’d only be in their bedroom and wouldn’t be bothering me. Bob thought that wasn’t a bad plan until my mom scowled at him and he explained to Rob that he couldn’t stay here because I was so sick. Could you imagine? Me alone in the house with Rob? I feel sick just thinking of it. So on to how I got locked out… I was told that once Rob dropped off some things that he wasn’t able to take with him down on the bus I was suppose to take the bug spray and make sure all the crap he put in the garage was completely soaken with it. I felt guilty doing it until a bug crawled out mid-spraying…. and then I soaked everything until it was dripping. As I got chilly I made my way back into the house….only the door was locked. I called my brother who had just left and got his voicemail right away. I called my mom, then I called David again, then my brother Van who has a key to the house. Yep, I’m an idiot. I got back in half an hour later.

On another note I bought some lighted candy canes to add to my decorations this year and suddenly the people across the street have some! Those jerks will pay for copying me before I could get my decorations outside. No holiday cookies for them.

I’m making a ton of cookies and stuff this year so I was wondering, does anyone have a favorite cookie they’d like to share with me? Let me know what it is so I can build my cookie list up!

Ever Have One of Those Days?

This morning I woke up full of the energy I knew I’d have to have to be as ambitious as I’d planned out the night before. See, I’ve had a horrible case of bronchitis and so the thought of vacuuming, dusting, and what-have-you seemed as possible as… I don’t know… something impossible. I was on 1000 mg of straight up penicillin, a prescription coughing pill, and an inhaler. To say the least, I wasn’t doing much but coughing and…..well….there was the incident where I locked myself out of the house…. but I’ll talk about that later.

Today was a special day of craptastic measures. It started out like this…

Yes, that’s right. This is a picture of the entry way into my house. Lovely, no? So I clean up the mess, call the proper people who tell me to go outside and clean off the V part of the gutters. This is what is backing up the water. Well, gee… do you think you people could have mentioned something like this before abandoning me? Did I mention I’m afraid of heights? So, I get up on a ladder, clean the mudder-feeking gutter in the rain, and call my mom to tell her that it’s done.

Her: Did you get the back gutter too?
Me: It’s pouring rain outside and I’m barely well again. I should clean the back gutter too?
Her: Well, you don’t want it coming in the living room too.
Me: Fine.

I go haul the ladder back and clean that gutter out too. Mudder-feekin’ gutters! This winter I will take much pleasure in pounding them when the icicles form. I call her back.

Me: Ok, they’re both clean.
Her: You should keep checking them in case it happens.
Me: *making strangling motions with my hands* Yeah, will do.
Her: Did you ever bring in the hoses?
Me: What?
Her: Those hoses are going to freeze. Isn’t it going to freeze?
Me: Uhh… yeah, sorry I didn’t hop to getting the hoses. I guess I was too busy having bronchitis!
Her: Oh yeah.

So I decided to settle myself down and read some blogs. I’d just finished reading my comments when the power goes out. Dude, not kewl. I tried taking a nap but the wind was picking up and making it impossible so I decided to spend money. Bed, Bath & Beyond kept making these “If the power goes out…” announcements so I bought a cookie press and got out of there. With my luck I’d have been stranded in there all day. I popped next door to the book store and wandered around there for a bit. They have the PERFECT gift for my Meghan. It’s nothing big, but I’m pretty sure she’ll like it.

As I walked in the house the lights and heat both kicked on. Yes! My luck was changing! …and just as I was rejoicing…..the power went back out…. for 4 more (very chilly) hours.

Today was the suck.

Silver lining: A gift for Meghan.

Hello 1992!

For your viewing enjoyment here’s my ex and his new girlfriend.

The scary thing is his mom has the same EXACT hair, of course she’s more stylish than scary dark lip liner clown lips, though. Yikes.

I thought I’d post this picture I stole from his email so we could all remember 1992. Ahhh… the good ol’ days.


I scanned a picture of Colin’s parents in so that people could fully understand the likeness of Colin and his girlfriend to Colin’s parents. Can we say Oedipus Syndrome?

Home again, Home again…

Yep, I’m back!

I’d likely still be stuc– err barely survivin– I mean “vacationing” in Florida if it weren’t for Adler’s (my now official godson!) baptism.

I understand why my mom needed me there, and why she didn’t want me to leave, but it’s not fun to be sick anywhere, but most especially a place where you can look outside and see water and beaches and then not be able to go! That’s right! Lucky me, I got sick about 5 days into being in Floria.

When I came back, as usual, I was highly disturbed at how my brother David “takes care” of the house. He broke into my locked bedroom (a lock that needs a key) and took lotion and who knows what else. I mean, seriously, lotion? Why would anyone want to break into anywhere to take lotion? It’s just another peice of evidence to prove my brother David is a complete idiot.

I spent the day on Saturday cleaning up the pond outside (which is suppose to be running still and isn’t) and taking down all the halloween decorations he was too lazy to take down. Nevermind that it’s nearly Thanksgiving! Tool. I spent the rest of the day looking for the perfect gift for Adler’s baptism and came up dry because the malls and stores are SO packed thanks to the stupid Christmas sales come early. So I decided that my gift would be the “best for last” gift they’d get in the mail. Who doesn’t like a present delivered in the mail?

Saturday night I went out with Meghan and her hubby Brian, Christina and her hubby Joe, Brian’s friend Joe and his fiance (who’s name I’m so sorry I forgot!), and Candi who was later joined by her husband. I went to high school with all the girls, save Joe’s fiance who’s name I can’t remember and it’s always nice to be invited on a nice night out with fun people. Except for my stupid cough all night, it was a real blast and I hope we can do it again soon. Seriously people, some day you guys will have to take advantage of the fact that I don’t drink!

Sunday my Godson Adler was baptized and I got to spend the whole church service snuggled up with him and a little more afterwards. It was so awesome to be a part of it all, and really touching that they would ask me to be Adler’s Godmother. That family of four holds a very special place in my heart. I promised God that I’d be absolutely and completely lazy and take care of myself the rest of Sunday (and not be stupid like Saturday and go outside in the rain for hours) if he’d curb my cough during the service. Since I barely coughed a bit on Sunday I was more than happy to hold up my end of the deal.

Ahhh… so good to be home.