Forward Emailer Revenge!

I am sick and tired of getting 27 million email messages from my family who have nothing better to do with their email space other than read lame-arse messages and forward them off to me! It’s not like spam mail, you can’t go to the site where it came from and unsubscribe to family.

Currently, two of my brothers are/will be married to girls that loooooooove to forward email. Each of them have friends and family that also enjoy these things, but guess what? I’m not one of them. I can’t stand that when I open up an email box I see “Inbox (14)” and a crap load of emails about angels, and kids that aren’t theirs, little sayings, yadda yadda the list goes on and on! What’s horrid is I then have to read them because later on I know I’ll be quizzed about it. “Did you get my email about…?” and then if I say yes, they usually ask me something on it and I haven’t a clue what to say if I haven’t. I tried once saying I didn’t get the email, but that turned out to be bad because she just sent them again.

Michelle, my brother Keith’s wife, used to be the worst one but even at her worst she wasn’t as bad as B-renda is now. Even worse, with B-renda there are two email boxes that get spammed with her crap because she somehow got two! There just doesn’t seem to be an end in sight, and no way to get them to stop! A girl can only have so many email addresses before she goes crazy, and I think I’m past my limit.

Today, while I sat and waded through the endless spammy foward mail I thought of a brilliant plan. I think perhaps composing an email that’s utterly HUGE and filled with swirly crap and stupid sayings might be the ticket. I’m not talking about some little itty-bitty forward crap message, I’m talking the mother of all spam messages… and at the end, like every horrible spammy forward, I’ll write “Send this to 10 friends or you’ll have bad luck”. Muhahaha….

*ahem*

Speaking of email, I’ve recently been given 50 invites to Google Mail (which is an invite only email) so if anyone is actually reading this and would like an email, just email me your address and I’ll send you one or five.

UPDATE: The email was sent, it was huge, gigantic even, with plenty of ads for things like cakes and crap. Wedding themed because of their obsession with the wedding. I ended the email with:

“SEND THIS EMAIL TO 10 OF YOUR FRIENDS FOR THE BEST WEDDING LUCK EVER!

SEND IT TO 9 AND YOUR LUCK WILL BE LESS….

THE MORE YOU SEND THE BETTER YOUR LUCK!!!!!!!

DON’T CHANCE IT!

Mary from Baltimore, MD says – “I sent it to 10 of my friends and my husband and I have been married 12 years!!”

Kenilia from Florida says, “I never knew so much about superstitions! This email really helped ease my mind and the minds of my girlfriends too!”

Carla from Kent, WA wrote, “My mother sent me this and I was sure the luck from it helped me get through my wedding day!!!”

SO SEND THIS TO 10 FRIENDS & LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!”


The quotes are, of course, concocted by yours truely. It was highly therapeutic.