My impending birthday has been keeping me up at nights. Lately I’ve been dreading it, knowing it’s on it’s way, but not for the reasons you’re likely thinking. I’ve dreaded this day for several years now, not because I’m getting older, but because I am nearly always let down.
Now, before you wrinkle your nose and mark me up as one of those materialistic girls that sulks when she doesn’t get a nice present, think again. I’m not talking about gifts. I’m talking about people forgetting, commandeering, yadda yadda…you get my point. This year the horror is spending it with my psychotic family.
My brother Van and B-renda I’ve had enough of lately. There’s only so much I can take of my brother’s bearded fiance’ and talking about their wedding or rat-dog. Then there’s my brother David with his chain smoking, lame comments, and more than likely his old (she’s a few years younger than my mother) whore girlfriend would be attached to his side and feeling up his butt. Of course, then there’s Bob. My wonderful step-father who would rather I not be here so he could belittle my mother and get his childish, gimpy-arse, pees in his pants, acts like a retard, grumpy old way.
So, on top of all the stress of thinking about showing up in a resturant, or spending a few hours at home with my family, the other thing keeping me up is my poor little dog. For those that knew she had some problems on tuesday she’s doing better. We’re not sure her head tilt will ever go away, but we really don’t care at this point. We’re just happy she’s walking again. So combined with the worry of my pet, there’s family troubles on top of it.
I swear, if it weren’t for my sweetie I would be running in front of an on-coming truck. Infact I read this poem whenever I really can’t take it anymore.
I’ll be there
When life seems so unfair,
when others cause you strife,
when drowning in despair,
when everything is troubled in your life,
I’ll be there.
When those around you seem to joy at your expense,
when your feelings are crushed,
when you’ve put up your last defense,
when you feel you’ve given up on trust,
I’ll be there.
I’ll be there, a smile on my face.
I’ll be there, supporting you from the start.
I’ll be there, a warm safe embrace.
I’ll be there, there within your heart.
I’ll be there, to make your spirit soar.
I’ll be there, every waking and sleeping hour.
I’ll be there, within you my love, my love chimes.
Just listen to your heart, it speaks softly sometimes.