Adventures in Blahzvillage

It is SO on.

Don’t get me wrong, I love animals, but this neighborhood cat is SO asking for it. Today after dinner I’m taking my plate to the sink when I happen to look up out the kitchen window and notice him/her in the front yard, tail straight up in the air, crapping. I’m like… aw no you don’t, mudder-feekie!

I run outside and quickly turn on the hose. Aww yeah, … now you’re gonna get it! Then suddenly I’m being pelted in the face by the sprinkler still hooked up to the hose, and the cat is loooooooooong gone. I tried to find it with a squirt bottle in hand, but it was a no go. “Horney” was no where to be found. And yeah, that’s his/her real name. All printed nicely on a heart shaped collar tag.

This cat has jumped out at my mother from under the bushes, frightening our cowardly golden retriever who wound the leash around her, and knocked her straight on her rear.

So poo + blood + tears = WAR. That cat SO has it coming to it. And Jenny’s gonna dish it OUT!

*ahem*

So later on I decide to take a walk. I haven’t been feeling very well and I thought maybe I just needed a little fresh air. It’s been abnormally muggy here lately so I put on a sleeveless shirt only to find that once I got out and started walking that I was a tad chilly. I thought, no bother, I’ll just walk faster and get the blood pumping, that’ll warm me up!

So, about 2.5 miles later I start to really feel gross and we decided to turn around and head back home. Wow, was the wind picking up? Nah. So, we’re passing Huntington Beach when I see this guy get out of his car and come up to another guy. Clearly teenage boys, proven by their retard-like actions. I turn to my mom, who’s jabbering away to my brother on her cell phone and say, “Ooo… a fight!” and she says, “Where?” I point across the street and we decide to stop and watch for a second. One of the slow wits takes off his shirt, cause… ya know… he’s SERIOUS. He’s a MAN. And he didn’t want to get his own blood— err.. the OTHER guys blood all over it! I tug on her arm and say, “We’re adults, lets break it up.” She gives me a look like I’ve grown a third eye. “No! Are you crazy?” I was like, “Mom, you’re far too afraid of people. Those little kids are going to hurt each other.” I yank the phone from her ear as I walk towards the cross-walk and call the local police station. They, in turn transfer me to the rangers.

So, this other guy pulls in, honks horn and makes them break up. Meanie, I wanted to do it! Now I have to wait for a ranger that’s coming and he wants me to explain what was happening. They’re all gone by now and there’s a storm blowing in full force while I stand there waiting for him to arrive. I point out to my mom, “You should go home, it’s too cold and you could just come get me in the car.” But she doesn’t want to leave me because…. I’m only twenty-seven!

The ranger came, blah blah blah… and I then had to drag my mom home in the freezing cold rain.

Yay.