Bob the Arsehat

A few days ago Mr. Magoo (aka Bob my stepfather) apparently fell backwards while going down the one step into the library. As my mom describes it, he took a step down and fell back and kind of rolled, which judging by his ball-shaped body, doesn’t surprise me. He’s the light monitor and must turn on and off all lights in the house as he sees fit. For example, if Bob enters the kitchen and turns on the light and I enter it after him, it doesn’t matter if I’m working with molten metal in there, he will turn it off and leave me in the dark when he leaves. It’s a small example of his selfishness, but you get the point. Anyway, this is what he was doing when he fell.

Yesterday as we were leaving the resturant after taking Bob’s daughter Lisa to lunch I noticed his rather large old-man elbow and gimmaced. I didn’t pay much more attention because I didn’t feel like losing my lunch, but apparently the golfball sized elbow wasn’t normal. When my mom saw it today (when he woke up at 2:30pm) we made a bee-line for the urgent care center. Fun.

After an hour there, I was reading a book, my mom was reading a magazine and no one was really talking until Bob spoke up and said, “I had a dog that listened to me once….. but she died.” What the bloody hell? After the last throw-down argument about his remarks about my dog, why would he dare say something like that? I was so angry that I could feel my eyes start to water, which only made me more angry because showing emotion in public is bloody embarrassing. “Why would you say that?” He said, “You said no one listens to you.” I was trying hard not to poke at his elbow as I answered. “No one was talking Bob, and no one was especially talking about the death of my dog.” He got this pout that I hate because he’s too mudder-feekin’ old for this crap. “You did say!” My mom tries to smooth things over, “He says that all the time.” I glared, “Never. He’s never said it. Stop defending him.” She looked guilty and turned to Bob, “Why would you say that?” He bowed his head, “I donno.” and he took her hand. She kept scolding him like a little boy and it was only serving to fuel the fire. “Where you talking about your dog [insert name here]?” He smiled because she wasn’t angry and patted her hand, didn’t answer, and watched tv. I tried to let it go, but how could someone act so freakin’ stupid? It didn’t help that I’d had a dream about sitting and petting Tresse today, which was suddenly all I could think about.

My mom says, finally, “Jenny, do you want to go and come back when we’re done?” I nodded and flung all the things she needed and took the keys and got out as fast as possible. Every eye was on me as I left because I was obviously crying.

Bob fractured his arm and tomorrow we go see the doctor B-renda, my brother Van’s man-gina wife, works for. Don’t worry, I’ll bring my camera.