Driving Like a Jerk – Session Three

I originally was going to post about the road signs Keith and I ran into on the way home from Florida but some of them are not suited for the post AFTER my post about being a godmother so I’ve changed gears.

If you haven’t read the first two, here they are for you.

Driving Like a Jerk
Driving Like a Jerk – Session Two

I’ve learned a few things since the last two sessions, my friends, and that is there is always someone more of a jerk on the road than you. However, I have learned from these people so I can pass on the greatness that is pissing people off on the road.

I explained in my first two sessions that, on occasion, I enjoy driving like a jerk. If someone is spazzing about something behind me, it makes my frown turn upside down. There’s nothing that makes my horrible mood better than passing it on to someone else.

Again, there are a lot of road ragers out there, if you try any of these please use caution, common sense, and proceed at your own risk.

  • If you piss someone off on the road, and they drive by you ranting and raving, you should always blow a kiss in their direction, or laugh, laughing pisses them off more too. (The first one actually happened to me and I wanted to murder the arsehat that did it, so I know. Laughing is usually the thing I stick to, but that’s more of a natural reaction.)
  • If there’s a really great song on that you love, you should honk to the beat or even just at random. A horn, after all, can be a musical instrument too. (This one is especially great at stop lights and tends to confuse just about everyone around you.)
  • If there’s a really great song that you love and you’re stopped for any length of time, use the break petal as your time keeper. Whomever is behind you will see your flashing break lights and think they’re hazards. (This one is really more of a stupid thing than a jerky thing, but I still think it’s funny and I’ve had people give me looks so it must be effective.)
  • When behind elderly people 9 times out of 10 you can totally freak them out by scooting up too close to their rear end at a stop light. If they scoot up more, you scoot up more. (This one usually works better on elderly women, they’re much easier to spook.)
  • If you’re on the highway or any multi-laned road, be sure to drive slower or the speed limit in the left most lane. People love when you drive cautiously in the fast lane. (Thanks for this one, Bug.)
  • Apply make-up when at a stop light, when the light turns green there will always be someone behind you that honks. Look up, then finish what you’re doing, and then proceed nice and slowly. You want to look your best when they pull around and cuss you out.

Remember, if you have any jerky moves you’d like to share with me just send me somethin’ on over.