Recently Keithy has been getting emails from two former cow-orkers (yes the misspelling is intentional) by the names of Kerstin (the friend) and Regina (the [insert bad language here]) about Regina’s growing interest in MY man. When he and I first became a couple Keith was still working at his former company and Regina asked him out. He explained that he was in a relationship and she said, “I’m so happy for you.” and he didn’t hear anything from her until this year. Around Christmas she sent him an email asking for his home address to send him a Christmas card and soon enough he got one from Regina and her boyfriend Scott. Well, it seems Scott had enough come the new year and started it off with a big fat dump…. of Regina that is. Regina, feeling low, remembers how wonderful my Keithy is (and the fact that he’s handsome doesn’t help matters) and gets her friend Kerstin to write him a few “feeler” emails to show Regina’s interest in a round about way. Keith, being the bright one that he is, catches her hints and tells her that he’s very taken and not interested. And that was in the last three emails. Yesterday he checked his email to find this one (The language has been cleaned up and my comments are in [ brackets like these]:
Hi Keith !!! It’s Regina SUPRISE ! I’m using Kerstin’s email. Just wanted to say hi ! We’re about to head out for a girls night out, but we would make an exception if you wanted to come. -giggle- [what adult female writes a “-giggle-” in her email?] I know ,I know you’re seeing someone. [But you were hoping that maybe by now it was over, right?] Didn’t Ashley [correctly spelled Ashleigh] have a birthday on Saturday. Wasn’t she an April fools baby. How is work going ? I bet you’re kicking a** ! I guess your divorce is final by now but who knows with such a [she uses the c word here] like your ex was. Sorry for the language but she was so way past royal fing b*tch she moved to [uses the c word again].
Welp we’re heading out. TTYL !
Keith sent this in response:
Ok this HAS to stop. This is so 9th grade ! I am completely uninterested! I am dating someone, her name is JENNY ! I mean come on how many times does it have to be said ? She treats me WONDERFULLY !!! She is honest and caring and loving and true to me! She keeps my heart with her and cares for it daily. I am COMPLETELY HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH HER !!!! GET IT ? If not PISS OFF !
I AM SORRY I HAVE EVER MET YOU ! I WISH YOU HAD WORKED ANYWHERE OTHER THAN [place of employment]. GET IT ? DO NOT EMAIL OR CONTACT ME IN ANY WAY AGAIN !
But I really wasn’t satisfied without adding my two cents, so Keith gave me permission to let the claws out and I sent an email this morning.
Hello Kerstin & Regina,
This is Keith’s girlfriend, Jenny. Recently you both have emailed him about Regina’s interest and, while I don’t want you to think this is an attack out of jealousy, if that’s how it comes across then so be it. Long distance relationships are hard enough without another female, a sister if you will, working against it… no matter how dillusional that “sister” may be. I just want you to know that our relationship is a very strong one and emails like these only make you look desperate and sad, and being the nice person that I am, I thought perhaps you’d like to know. I certainly believe that females should stick together instead of being catty and back-stabbing, and now that you’ve stabbed at me several times, I don’t want you to think that my good up-bringing prevents me from sticking up for myself and what’s mine. Keith is mine. Please let me help you out of your pit of desperation by telling you that there are other guys out there for you… I’ll pray you find someone wonderful and loving and perfect like my Keith… there’s no one like him… but there might be someone close.
Also, Keith hinted that in your last email (Regina) you were likely a little drunk. Alcohol is not the answer and your problems will only come back 10 times worse in the end. If you do have a problem then you should visit here for help. I hope you get your life in order and stop emailing Keith for your own well being, though I have a feeling with his response that you will.
Aren’t I just the sweetest little thing? I do so hope she responds to it so I can continue to help her. Lets keep our fingers crossed!