Letters to the Yuckies

Dear Badly Dressed Lady,

The shirts you’re wearing are way too short! You’ve clearly gotten the layered look wrong, but that’s ok, I’ll gladly help you. For starters, when you wear more than one shirt, one of them should actually cover your gut. Secondly, the pants you had on that rested at the hip… yeah… not so good… particularly combined with the short shirts. See, no one wants to see your gut hanging out over your too low pants and creeping out from under your too small shirts. That’s not pretty, and not stylish either. It’s yucky.

Sincerly,
Bunny

Dear Speed addicted Neighbor Lady,

Your children play basketball at 7am every morning and I’m starting to think up things to hurt them. You see, when it gets to this time of year when the heat is off and the air is nice outside, people open their windows. I think it’s marvelous that your children play a sport, but playing at 7am in the morning is not cool. The constant bouncing for 1 full hour before their bus arrives is enough to drive me batty. Again, please reign your children in before I sick my cat on them. She may not have claws but she bites ……almost pretty hard!

Sincerly,
Bunny

Dear Self,

Yeah you! Do you remember working in retail and having customers tell you their life stories while you checked them out and thinking, these people are wierd? Remember? Yeah, well in the future don’t tell the carpet cleaners about your cat, and about your parents, and about your siblings. They don’t freakin’ care! You saddened me today with your lack of control. You knew you’d done it after every uncontrolled sentence was uttered. Yes, no use beating yourself up over it…. and stop talking to yourself like this, it’s creepy. Psycho.

Me

P.S. When did you realize you had a comma addiction? It’s getting really bad. See the above post to help you take the first step in realizing your problem.