Newspaper Salesmen

Today while I was exiting the grocery store I was harrassed by some newspapers guys. A small note of caution to all pushy salemen. Do not make me mad when I’m in my happy place away from home. Anyway, here’s how it went:

[salesman #1]: Want a free newspaper?
[me]: Uhh…nah. I don’t need one. Thank you.

An elderly lady has problems getting a cart out and boxes me in next to the salesmen.

[salesman #1]: Are you suuure you don’t want a free paper?
[me]: Yeah, possitive. I hate the news.
[salesman#2]: How can you stay in touch with the world without the news? Did you know that (blah blah) had a heart attack?
[me]: Well, for one, I read the news online and save a few trees. Plus, I read about things other than what’s happening around here.

The elderly lady has moved and I try to escape. Salesman #2 actually, and I’m pretty sure purposely blocks my way to “talk” to someone else (a.k.a. harrass them).

[salesman#1]: Come on, it’s one paper and it’s free.
[me]: Ugh. Fine. Give me the stupid paper.
[salesman#1]: (slowly draws over the bar code – for what reason I still have no clue.) You know why we’re giving these away?
[me]: I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.
[salesman#1]: (now laughing) Well, we have a deal (yadda yadda yadda).
[me]: (staring blankly) Ok?
[salesman #1]: So just fill this out and we’ll gladly start your service.
[me]: Uhhh…no. You asked if I wanted a paper, I said no, you kept at it and blocked me in and now I’m agreeing to your stupid free paper, how does all that compute to you starting me on a service?

He stares at me blankly.

[salesman #2]: Ok – here’s a better deal. (He shows me some laminated paper of something I don’t even bother looking at.)
[me]: What part of my agreeing to a free paper made you think I wanted to then start paying for a service?
[salesman #2]: It’s a great deal! It’s practically free when we give you these great grocery store gift cards. Infact, you actually make 15 cents.
[me]: No, I don’t want a paper. I don’t even want the “free” one now.
[salesman #1]: You come here a lot, right?
[me] What the heck is that suppose to mean?
[salesman #1]: (now turning red) No, I mean… you shop here all the time, right?
[me]: Uhh.. what are you getting at? Are you calling me fat? Is that how you sell a paper? My husband cancelled the paper a long time back for some reason I forget and I should talk to him about it anyway. (Which is obviously a lie because I’m not married.)
[salesman#2]: (shoves his cell phone in my face) Here, call him.
[me]: Are you serious? No.
[salesman #2]: We might not be here next time if you leave now.
[me]: Well, a girl can hope, can’t she?

I then left with a smile, which is what I should have done long before I did, but I did have some fun playing with their heads. A pushy salesman never wins with me….especially when I’m away from home in my happy place.