This week has blown by pretty fast, thank goodness.

This sunday “sausage toes” or my brother Keith’s wife michelle* (which ever you’re more comfortable with) will be visiting from Florida, without my brother. Apparently when the doctor told her that she should be on bed rest 80% of the time until she has the baby, that it didn’t count when she has to make a sacrifice. Nevermind that my brother has been working 7 days a week so that he can provide for their existing two and ‘chelle so that she can sit and watch her shows. Nono, he should take a week off of work to watch the kids so she can fly here, without permission from her doctor, and go to a wedding. Priorities, priorities.

My honey Keith got yet another email from his ex-coworker Regina. His reply is utterly priceless so it has to be posted.

If you missed the first three emails she sent here they are.

#1 OMG!
#2 WTF?
#3 Desperate much?

Regina’s letter:


Heard you were sighted at [company name] again! Kerstin said Kristi was saying how good you looked. So how much weight have you lost? I know you were losing it when I left [company name], so I’m guessing you kept taking it off! Good for you! I have a personal trainer and that little bitch keeps me sweating my ass off. And believe me there is alot of ass to sweat. -giggle- I was beginning to think you fell off the planet until I heard of your debut at [company name]. I hope all is well and you’re doing well, keep smiling! I’m here for you if you ever need me for anything.


Yeah, I’m sure you are, whore.

Keith’s reply:


Haven’t all the emails that have been sent by jenny and I gotten the message to you yet ?! I mean come on! I don’t know what you’re playing, but sheesh, welcome to my blocked list and if you open another account and email me I’ll report you to yahoo. That being said, I think you might want to go outside an play hide and go F*** yourself.

Jenny’s one and only love,

That’s my honey!

** I will be supplying a picture of said sausage toes in the near future. It’s not fair to only post B-renda chin pictures.


…I know my posts haven’t been up to their usual quirkiness and I really am trying to turn it around, so hang in there. I usually use this blog as my place to vent, but it’s becoming rather redundant, even to me.

Someone call me a whaaaaambulance, I’m offically a big, fat whiner. Future posts will be more like me, even when I’m complaining.

So enough about my inability to restrain the whining about my family and lets get on with my weekend.

Friday – spent the better part of the day doing things with my mother, running errands, blah blah boring crap, and then at around 11:30pm I came up with the genius (and by genius I mean, totally mudder-feekin’ stupid)idea to rearrange my room. By 1:30am I was just getting the furniture where I liked it. Then, suddenly, my left thigh charley-horsed and I had to quit – I swear, my face looks young, my voice sounds young, but my body… it hates me and is aging 10x faster.

Saturday – Finished rearranging my room and then it was like all my drawers had thrown up or something. Have you ever started a project and then mid-way through you think, what the heck did I get myself into? I was really wishing for the ability to close my eyes and have everything put in the right spots at that point.

I spray painted my vanity white (again), then there was hanging some grippy wall hanger things my mom found on some infomercial (freakin’ infomercial nut), and taking Lisa (step-sister) to dinner. Mid-meal I felt the incredible urge to use my stabby knife hand to hurt her because she was eating like a pig. I really think if my parents would allow it she’d have her face buried in her plate instead of using a fork.

Sunday – I went to church with my parents (the first morning we could actually get Bob up early enough). I’ve decided to name it the church of the perverts for all the perverted old men there that have clearly lost all propriety and are now just complete icky old pervs. The best part was leaving.

All-in-all a weekend that I’m pretty glad is behind me….and so is my stabby hand.

Fun at the Doctor’s Office

Another day of fun at Kaiser Permanente for Jenny!

I picked up Lisa at 8:30 for her 9:30 doctor’s appointment to have a biopsy of a lump in her breast. When she gets in the car she was breathing heavily and I was worried she might hypervenalite so I tried to keep the conversation light and breezy. She was REALLY nervous.

We get there and, as usual, she’s walking about 7 steps infront of me and can not keep her hand out of her bum crack. Finally I can’t take her constant … digging… and ask, “Hey Lisa, you ok?” I didn’t quite know how to approach the subject of, public place = no touchy the hiney. The fabic of her shorts was a strechy cotton, so the digging has made her look like she’s got more than just itching problems with all the sagging. She says, “Oh yeah, just a wedgie.” Bleh. So I try to drop it and ask her how her week has gone. “It went good. I went to the psychic symposium on monday and the psychic lady healed my breast.” *blink blink* “Oh?” She nodded and now we’re at our destination and getting a seat in the waiting room. She doesn’t lower her voice to talk to only me which isn’t a big deal….yet. “Yesterday I felt an odd sensation in my breast like it was healing itself.” I tried not to roll my eyes. “Well….that sounds interesting.” What do you say to that?

I pull out my book and try to ignore 6 sets of eyes on us but out of the blue my mom shows up, having gotten out of her doctor’s appointment early. She tries to be all light and airy as she enters the room and I’m immediately annoyed for some reason. So she’s talking to Lisa about her appointment and Lisa mentions that she’s only got her pap test to go to next and then she won’t have to worry anymore. My mom tries to reasure her and I see danger lurking before Lisa even gets a word out. Then Lisa pipes up, “Well, they’re worse for me because I still have my hymen because I’m a virgin.” Oh yes, and she seemed to be louder as she mock-whispered this. My mom just smiles and says, “Well, no one likes those.” and then, thank God, Lisa is called in. My mom sits down and continues to talk to the room. “The things she says!” and then she laughs. “You just can’t stop it some times!” I open my book up and bury my face in it.

One hour and 15 minutes later I’m on the same page because I’m so annoyed and Lisa finally emerges.

Doctor’s appointments are fun!

Bring on the Rain…

As JoDee Messina says, “..cause tomorrow’s another day..” and I hope there’s more rain. Today was my very first lazy day since my parents came home because it’s been raining all day. I still had to run errands, but when there’s not digging in the garden, cleaning up, and hauling involved it makes them much more pleasurable.

Of course, with my mom pent up about her blood work tomorrow there was an argument about everything. We actually had an argument about arguing. I tell ya, after all this training I could likely be a lawyer without much effort.

Wee! I get to get up at the crack of dawn to take Lisa (step-sister) to her breast doctor’s appointment. At least I’ll have something funny to write about afterwards, with Lisa there’s always something hilarious to talk about afterwards. The last time she was obsessed with going to the bathroom every 20 minutes… and then my mom found her “decorating” the bathroom with toilet paper. This time I’ll be alone with her so that should be interesting, she’s far more open when it’s just she and I.

Chickery Chick

Tonight I was a bit leery about venturing out to do the grilling for dinner, but I thought…meh… it’s just thunder, I’ll make it. So I headed out, lit the grill, and suddenly there was something to my right that caught my eye. We have a bird house about 2 feet from the grill and it had 2-3 baby birds in there but they were getting pretty big and loud so we knew they’d be pushed out of the nest pretty soon. I saw a little baby really struggling to get out of the nest and thought, wow…mommy bird is moving her babies out in this weather? Tough lady! So, I went over and knocked on the window of the sliding glass door to tell my mom to come out and see.

She said, “I don’t think it’s trying to get out, I think it ventured out too far and it can’t get back in.” I watched it for a minute and decided to go over and see if I couldn’t help the little lady out. I put my hand up and she immediately calmed down because it was just soooo darn tired from trying to get out that it didn’t have the energy to be upset. She just stayed in my hand, eyes starting to close. She was just all tuckered out, the poor thing.

So, I took the birdhouse off it’s pole and opened up the top flap so I could see better at what was going on. It seems she got all tangled in the nest and there was no getting her free. I snipped her out with a pair of scissors and couldn’t let her go because her little wing had gotten bloodied in the struggle. So, because it was starting to rain now and lightening, I put her back in the nest to rest and she immediately settled in and looked pretty happy from what I could tell.

I did get a picture of her, though… just incase she makes her way out tomorrow to find her mom.

Chickery Chick and my hand (and my dog with her stuffed baby in the background)

Oh yeah, I named her Chickery Chick because I name all the birds I save that. It’s from a song I made up when I was little, yeah I know, I’m wierd. Oh, and before I forget, actually touching a bird like this won’t make her parents reject her because common birds like sparrows can’t smell human on their babies. It’s eagles and stuff that won’t touch their babies….. just so ya know!

The Pond & Father’s Day

I said I’d post some pictures on the new pond so here they are. The original was smaller and not as deep and we had to fill it about every 12 hrs because of some liner problems, but the new and improved pond is soooo much nicer. We get koi this week some time, so that’ll be nice too.

These are the people that made it happen. Wayne and Paige did most of the work, they’re our landscapers and we just love them. They’re nice people and Tresse (my dog) just goes nuts when they get here because she knows she’ll be getting a ton of attention. If Paige doesn’t see her right away when they arrive, she makes a point to knock on the sliding glass door until she barks.

Here’s the finished product, minus the plants that they took out and put back in. The waterfall is a lot more huge now which makes it a lot louder in the water noise department. And considering my bedroom window is facing this pond, awesome white noise for sleepy time.

Before I go, I’d just like to say Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Most especially my honey Keith, and Brian, my best friend Meghan’s hubby.

My Keith and his “angry” face. I told him to do it cause he looks like a bunny when he scrunches his nose up like that. It’s only too bad I couldn’t find the bunnyface picture… that one’s priceless.

Brian doing his Bay High laugh. Like, totally. He’s a funny guy, isn’t he? I had to snag this one so I can torture him by posting this picture every time I mention him.

Happy Father’s Day, boys.


This is how I’ve been feeling lately (only less pretty, and thin, and cute but that’s beside the point) and I have to say it’s wearing me out. My mom has a disease I like to call “spazztasticitis” which has completely taken over her being. What is it, you ask? Well dumby, it’s when someone has the spazzi in them. In other words, my mother will not sit down and just… relax! And when she’s moving, I have to move. Don’t get me wrong, it’s my job to be here for her, I want to be because she needs me, but I would like some Jenny time. I looooove alone time. My mother, on the other hand would like someone talking to her and being with her at all times. She needs company to be happy. Maybe someday I’ll feel like that too, but when I hear my name called 20-30 times a day to fix something, move something, etc etc… I just want some me time at night.

I haven’t seen Keith since April (which is sadness because he’s my sanity touch-point), I haven’t spent a day doing me things since about the same time, and I think I know now why people actually go bald or perhaps thow themselves off tall buildings.

My birthday present was a 20″ TV that is now sitting in my room in a huge box. I got it early because it was on sale today… and now I have to have this HUGE box in my mini room unopened until my birthday. I have to say, it’s getting pretty crowded in here.

Tomorrow I’ll show pics of the new pond out back.

Exhaustion Setting In…

I’m truely sorry for all the craptastic posts lately… I’ve lost all my energy to do anything, let alone be witty.

For the past three days I’ve had a list of things to do as long as my arm, and every day I’ve gotten them done in a timely fashion… but day two I was running on fumes soI have no idea how I got through today.

First it was power washing the deck. The power washer was easy enough to get the hang of… after two passes on the deck it was stripped of 2 years of crap. Go me. Yesterday I spent the better part of my morning refinishing the deck. Thank goodness for those poles you screw into paint rollers or not just my feet would be screaming. My knees definately appreciated it. Then it was shopping for this and shopping for that, errands for mom, errands for Bob.

Oh yes, Bob. My step-father used to be …hmm… atleast a somewhat pleasant person to be around, though he and I have never had a really terrific relationship. When I think about it all I can think about is how very little we ever really talked. Not that he ignores me, but by the time he and my mom dated and married Bob was pretty much set in his ways (considering he’s 12 yrs older) and he has never been able to just talk about nothing. He either is telling a stupid story, or blathering about his health. He can’t vary off that because he doesn’t know how to be social. Seriously, he doesn’t know how. Now with his memory failing he’s just a grumpy, mean spirited man…. with the dagger looks usually pointed in my direction.

So the day before yesterday I go out and buy him a chocolate bar because he asked for one and I was headed out anyway. I decided to play a little game with him to lighten the mood around the house. I showed him the regular sized bar, and then I showed him a HUGE chocolate bar (1/2 lbs). I said, showing the smaller one, “This bar is what you get for the way you treat me now.” an then I showed him the bigger one and said, “This is the one you get if you treat me nicely.” and he said, “But I can get the little one no matter what?” I said, “No, you still have to be nice to me.” He said, “Fine.” all grumpily. So I rolled my eyes and put both bars in the kitchen because dinner was being made anyway. Yesterday the candy bar gets brought up, “Am I still getting the big bar?” I said, “If you’re nice to me, sure.” He said, “I don’t want it then.” At this point when he says things like that I’m really not phased. Since last year my walls are a little more built up where Bob is concerned. “Is it sooooooo hard to be nice to me, Bob?” I asked. He said, “I’m nice all the time.” and crossed his arms. “Well, not to me.” My mom tried jumping to my aid, but I was done with the whole conversation and left the room… I had things to do anyway.

So after a day of hellatious cleaning, and refinishing, etc, all I want to do is take a nice soak in the tub which I’d just freashly washed. I went down to make myself a nice cup of tea and before I could get back upstairs Bob was in the bathroom. Now, I understand he needs baths to ease himself to sleep (especially because I hear him snoring in the tub), but my gosh that was so rude. I filled my little foot bath thing up and sulked as it bubbled. I didn’t have the energy to wash the tub again and I was NOT getting in a tub that old man stewed himself in. My naked bum does not touch where his has been. Hold on…. gagging…

Ok.. I think I’m alright. So today I’m just exhausted. I nearly gave the entire neighborhood a wet t-shirt show while power washing. It seems the hose has a little leak and leaks tend to travel… and this one travelled right down my arm to my armpit and soaked me completely by the time I was through. Wearing a pale pink shirt and getting soaked… I may as well have just worn white. And I had the gardeners here redoing the pond out back so I had to make a dash inside before I REALLY embarrassed myself.

Yup, so that’s my boring little recap with no pictures. Tomorrow I’ll take some pictures of my finsihed projects and post them with an update.


High School Questionaire

I mentioned in my previous post about how my high school is having it’s 10 yr reunion, right? Well two days ago I got another email from them with a little questionaire at the bottom. I could not resist the temptation of putting down my true feelings so here’s the original email:

In order to minimize the need for scrambling around at the end of thenight collecting contact information from everyone, we are going tocompile and distribute an email/information list to those who attend the reunion, but before we do so, we need some information from each of you!

First of all, if you DO NOT want us to include your email on this list, then please reply to this message to tell us that. Otherwise,we will assume you give us permission to include your email along with everyone else’s on the list.

Secondly, if you would like to include some personal information with your entry on the contact list, then please answer the following questions so we can be sure to include your updates along with your email address. Feel free to include any other information you would like to share with your classmates!

1) Are you married? Spouse/Partner’s name?

2) Do you have any children? How many? Ages/Names?

3) Career/Job/Occupation?

4) What school(s) have you attended since high school? What degree(s)have you earned?

5) Have you served in the military since high school?

6) Greatest Blah High memory?

7) Who are you hoping to see again at the reunion?

8) Favorite Blah High teacher?

My response:

Please do not include my email address in this…whatever thing. I don’t need people emailing me for money.

1) Are you married? Spouse/Partner’s name?
I’ve been married once and got rid of that cheatin’ garbage for my prince charming. His (prince charming) name is Keith.

2) Do you have any children? How many? Ages/Names?
Not many, … I’ve really lost count and I’ve stopped naming them because it’s pointless when I’ll just forget it anyway. They pretty much all answer to “Hey you” so it works out.

3) Career/Job/Occupation?
I left my nannying job in another country because my parents needed me back home. That, and I didn’t feel like dealing with more kids… I mean I have enough already.

4) What school(s) have you attended since high school? What degree(s) have you earned?
I went to LCCC right after high school, and a technical college in Washington for dental hygiene shortly after. I decided that I’ll never be able to look in other peoples mouths without wanting to hurl, so my kids will just have to deal with jacked up grills.

5) Have you served in the military since high school?
Yeah, other than the time I spent in the ‘nam, no… and I’d rather not talk about it.

6) Greatest Blah High memory?
Getting high in the boy’s restroom with Vice Principle Wilhems. What a stoner that dude was, he freakin’ rocked.

7) Who are you hoping to see again at the reunion?
I stayed in touch with all my true friends from high school. Yeah, so Meghan should be there, but I donno.

8) Favorite Blah High teacher?
I pretty much don’t remember any teacher’s names. Everything was a blur ‘cept for Wilhems and his pot.

I’m Baaaa-aaack!

My month of bannination, as Dave from Maximum Awesome likes to put it, is over and I can return to blogging all over again. The comments made about my blog were pretty nice considering what they had to go on, and even though the common critique was how boring my blog layout was, I’m not changing a thing. Atleast not until this template bores me, and I quite like it.

If you were wondering what I’ve been doing the last month there were a few updates over on Keithy’s blog. It’s really been a pretty uninterresting month because all I’ve been doing is cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning… with a side of cleaning. My mom is a fanatic for spring cleaning, everything is organized, everything is wiped down, a lot is tossed out. It’s a wonder I’m not manic about cleaning with my mom’s obsession coupled with how I remember my dad being. When I open my junk drawer it makes me smile because it resembles how his was so much. A child’s wonderland of pencils, gadgets, forgotten gizmos, neat family stuff, etc etc. it’s all in there neatly organized and in it’s own special spots.

So anyway, I’ve been cleaning and also, I’ve found that my job as the only caring child my mother has left, that I’ve been doing a lot of counceling for my mom. She keeps telling me things about her life that sort of put another peice in the puzzle. I’ve yet to truely understand the reason she keeps David around, but that’s not here nor there.

Oh yeah, I peed in his shampoo again. His fault for leaving it here! (Alright I peed in his soap, conditioner, and one other bottle of shampoo I found too.)

I recieved an email from my high school’s alumni about my upcoming 10yr high school reunion. (boo n hiss) I responded to it a while back and soon enough I got a questionaire to fill out and send back for the email they’re sending to people who come to the reunion or something. What sense that makes I have no idea. If I already endured a night with these people, wouldn’t I have gotten the information I wanted from the people I wanted to know about? I’m contemplating mixing up my answers a little bit and maybe fibbing…. just a tad. What’s a life without a little spice, right?