Le Sigh

My 3-day weekend from you know where is finally over, but the crappiness continues. I’m trying to take some time for myself, but when your “job” is to help your parents out that doesn’t leave you with a whole lot that me time stuff.

Thankfully Rob is now 3 hours away (not far enough if you ask me) and I don’t have to deal with his perverted, crazy butt anymore. He kept talking about how sometimes at night he hears women orgasming and it keeps him up. Yeah, then turn the porn off, retard. When he talks about that kinda crap no one knows what to say, and when you’re driving there’s not a whole lot of places to escape. So for about 45 minutes the care was pin-drop quiet. Finally I just turned the music on and turned it up enough that he got a clue… or maybe just ran out of material. In any case, it stopped so good enough. We dropped him off faster than I could say “good riddance” and got out of there.

We went out to dinner afterwards, and Bob continued to scowl at me (as usual) and I said, “You can stop scowling now, Pokey, no one here cares if you’re mad at me.” To which he scowled more fiercely and I joked, “Want to take this out side?” He said, “And what are you proposing? A romantic tryst.” I stared at him blankly. “Yes, … that’s right… I often propose that I take my step-father out for a romantic tryst. What’s wrong with you? That’s disgusting.” He tried to explain as he was getting up to exercise his legs but I waved him off. “You’re making me more nauseous, just go exercise or whatever.” The more Bob talks the more I understand why my siblings all have completely screwed up choices in who they’ve chosen as their mates. My mom isn’t a good example! Let me explain:

David: Dating a woman my mother’s age, and so 20 years older than he is. Disgusting.

Van: Well, he’s marrying a sasquach. Sick.

Keith: His wife is nice, but she’s completely selfish and does nothing… ever. Weighs 300+ lbs and sent us a picture of her in a bikini! Vomitous.

Scott: Well, I’m still not sure about him. I don’t know if he ever dated.

Kim: Married twice, once to some closet S&M guy, the next to an abusive alcoholic.

I do have more siblings, but they didn’t have my mom as their mother so they don’t suffer with these problems. I’ve concluded that since all of the above are clearly messed up, that since I had a different father, his genes (since I’m the only child from their marriage) are helping me out. Granted my marriage was to a cheater, so something must have rubbed off. Atleast I can revel in the fact that I was the responsible one, and moved when my parents needed me even when I could have stayed where I was.

Also, for some deranged reason, all of my siblings compete for who is loved the most in the family… who is the “favorite”. Even the in-laws! Brenda is sure she will be, something Van is carrying over from his last marriage, and really Michelle, my brother Keith’s wife, hasn’t said anything too much but she thinks it too. How much more deranged can you get? She’s our mother, she loves us all.

So when you think your life is crappy and your family is nuts, just read this and know … it could be a heck of a lot worse… you could be me, and your family could be mine.

Meet the Fockers
top: David, My Dad, My Mom & Me
bottom: Van, Keith, Kim, & Scott