Evil Weekend – Part One

Yesterday with Meghan, Christina and Elek was the only bright spot. Thanks for including me, guys.

This morning I groggily made my way out of bed and into the kitchen for my caffeine fix before I headed in to my good deeds – which will last me a VERY long time, or at least a week. The dreaded step-bater … err brother ( a whole other story) is coming into town next weekend for his birthday and a hand out of cash. So with these two weekends combined I should be golden for some time to come.

We arrived at the church in perfect time. No one had come yet, and everything was all set up. It was sticky hot already at 10am so I knew I was in for a treat when and if the sun came out. I sighed as I neared the booth I’d been assigned to along side my mom. The food stand. Ugh. Our church was grilling hot dogs and hamburgers for anyone that wanted one and they were more than happy to feed you two or three times! Yay. So as I sat there in my funk of a mood my mom and the rest of the old bitties danced around to the early 90’s crap music playing. Hi, can I just make a suggestion to the DJ for next year? Yeah, “pump up the jam” isn’t kewl anymore, dude. Though I have to grudgingly admit that seeing the little ones dancing and playing and enjoying themselves made it less of a horrible experience. Even if they did play YMCA twice and try to make me play along. I’m here for the church or whatever, but don’t push your luck. YMCA isn’t as kewl when you’re not with your friends, drunk, on your way to being drunk, or in high school and even then you could really be pushing it. Our city’s baseball team mascot came out, the fire department with a fire truck, and the police department with the D.A.R.E van too. I snagged a junior police officer badge for fun, only to want to burn it once I saw the city was printed on it. Eww… Blahzville would shun me if they knew I wore the W-city’s junior police badge! But my nephew should like it. I know Pervy McPerverson seemed to enjoy it while I was wearing it. Yeah, when you stand there for 20 minutes with your eyes plastered to my chest I’m gonna notice. Also, no matter how slick you think you are, when you get closer to read the name on my little kid plastic badge… whoa! It’s not there! *gasp* Mm-hmm, … we can pretend you didn’t know… but really… we’d only be fibbing to ourselves now, wouldn’t we? Idiot. Even old boys are retards, what’s up with that crap?

Alright, I escaped that crap for a crap load of more poo. Yeah, that’s right… I took my parents to get my step-sister, because heaven forbid we skip a week and NOT take her out to eat. I watched in horror as Lisa scarfed down her crepes and told stories about how there’s a guy at her “work” that craps and pees his pants every day at lunch. I’m soooo glad I only ordered fruit because pushing the plate away with something better on it would have been sad. Especially when she went in to detail. Normally she’s the funniest part of the weekend, but I was too tired to want to deal with that crap… literally, and on top of that I still had more things I had to do.

Tomorrow will be the day of discovery. I will find out if B-renda, my brother Van’s fiancé, was born a male or if she has some major bad luck in the facial hair and arm hair department. I’m driving out with my brother, B-renda, and my parents to meet her mom, sister, and brother-in-law. Don’t worry… I’ll get photos if it’s a family thing. One can only hope.