Emergency Room Fun

Well the past few days I’ve definitely been a Bay Rocket. Well, more like a cannon ball, really. On Tuesday I was woken with a banging on my bedroom door at around 6:30am with Bob mumbling something on the other side. I got up and said, “What?” and he didn’t repeat himself, so I walked out and called down to ask what was going on. He said, “Your mom is sick, feeling really dizzy, and she wants you.” So I ran down stairs to see what the matter was.

There was my mom, pale, sweating, rocking herself in the La-Z-Boy, and fanning herself with a magazine. She says, “I’m soaking wet, and I’m soooo dizzy.” So, I’m like, “Maybe you shouldn’t rock yourself if you’re dizzy.” and she says it’s worse when she stops. So then I like freaking out. What do I do? I ask, “Do you want me to call 911?” She says, “I don’t know anything right now.” So I run upstairs and get my cell and call Keith, but he’s asleep. So I had resolved to call 911 when my cell rings. It’s Keith. He says to call 911 or take her myself, but that she needs to get medical attention. I agree and hang up, run downstairs to check on my mom and then called 911. Bay Village Fire department paramedics seemed to take FOREVER as I stood by my mom, who was now throwing up in the garbage can next to the chair. They came in and did a bunch of nothing, and decided to take her to the hospital. What’s so freaking weird is that they said they couldn’t take her to St John’s which is right up the street. So, they cart her out to the ambulance and I collect my purse and hers, tell Bob to put on his oxygen (which he now needs), and head out the door.

The ambulance ride was sooo long, and we were only going to Fairview — about 10 minutes away. The paramedic says to me, “I wonder if they started work on the highway?” and I looked at him like… what the heck? My mom’s in the back, dizzy and throwing up, and he’s wondering about construction?! So I said, “Um… yeah, they did.” Idiot. He tries again to make small talk about allergies but I wasn’t interested.

So we get to the hospital finally and the one paramedic says I have to check my mom in, very coolly. It’s like my gosh, does no one understand that my mother is in the emergency room? I go to the area he tells me to and a woman directs me to a desk to sit at around the corner. I sit there for a few seconds when a lady comes from behind me and says, “Can I help you?” I said, “Yeah, my mom was just taken in there.” And motion to the emergency room. She says, “Oh! Great! Wonderful!” I’m like… blink blink … umm yeah, not so much. She says, “I just love when family members are here to check people in.” I give her a weak smile and nod.

I checked her in and they let me go back to see her. I walked into the room and was taken-aback by how horrible my mom looked. You know, they always make people green in cartoons and stuff when they’re sick, but my mom actually looked so pale she was greenish. Maybe it was the hospital lights, but ugh… it was heartbreaking. She was still throwing up, but it was really nothing but water because she’d been fasting since 8pm the night before for some blood work. They started an IV and then took some blood. They gave her a shot in her IV for nausea so she could take the dizziness pill. After that, a looooooong while later, they gave her 1 and ¼ more of a shot for the same reason. Then, after the doctor visited us 2 more times, she was given a pill for blood pressure, and another for dizziness.

This is the good part! I’m sitting there with no bra on, bleach stained shirt, and sweatpants. My hair was up (though I don’t remember putting it up) and I had on flip-flops. Not the prettiest sight, but I wasn’t hoping to look good… I was hoping to be dressed enough to get my mom in the ambulance and off to the hospital. So in walks a woman representing patient something-or-other and with her walks in Jennifer Richie. For those of you who don’t remember her (and I don’t expect you to) she was the pretty brunette cheerleader we went to school with! Oh yes, and she’s still pretty, and very well dressed. She didn’t recognize me at first so I thought I was off the hook when they left. Unfortunately they came back and voila, she recognized me. Oh well!

Best news is after an hour the dizziness pill started to work and she was diagnosed with severe vertigo but cautioned to see her doctor or return to Fairview for a better check-up. “Vertigo is a feeling that you or your surroundings are moving when there is no actual movement. The motion commonly is described as a feeling of spinning or whirling, but it can also include sensations of falling or tilting. Vertigo can cause nausea and vomiting. It may be difficult to walk or stand and you may lose your balance and fall.”

We got to check out, I called Van to pick us up and the freakin’ idiot took a messed up route through the metro parks! I mean come on! She was diagnosed with a dizziness thing and he’s taking the curviest swirliest route home? Hi, my name is Van and I’m partially retarded! I take jacked-up ways home when there’s a perfectly good highway a mile from the hospital!
So then we get home, and my mom takes a nap, Bob’s taking a nap, David’s taking a nap, the dog and cat are napping… yeah… I’m tired after going to bed at 3am and waking up at 6am being shot out of a cannon! After the realization that my mom’s alright sets in, I’m sitting on the couch trying to unwind and the phone rings. I run to pick it up so the rest of the house doesn’t wake up.

Me: Hello?
Derek: Aunt Jenny, hey, is Grandma there?

Immediately the conversation I had with my sister from the day before springs to my mind. She wanted money (again) from my parents. She called my mom her “banker” and said she needed a loan. Loan my foot. Over the years my sister has scammed my mother out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. No joke. She was calling because she claimed that she needed money to “pay this lady” or she wouldn’t get child support. Sounded fishy to me. She explained that Derek would call if she didn’t ask, so she was asking so he wouldn’t call.
Back to the conversation:

Me: Hey Derek, what’s up?
Derek: Nothin’, is Grandma there?
Me: Actually she was in the emergency room today and she napping. Is there a message I can give her?
Derek: When will she be up?
Me: I don’t know, she’s sleeping. She was in the hospital.
Derek: Oh. Well… when will she be up?
Me: I already said she’s sleeping, she has had a lot of medication and it made her sleepy.
Derek: Oh, ok… I’ll try again later then!
Me: Ok.

We hang up and I sigh. What a little brat! I say to my mother, who’s really not sleeping just yet, that it was the vet’s office. She clearly doesn’t buy it and I say, “Well I’m really tired… yeah… tired.” She closes her eyes and is out like a light. Poor thing. Not ten minutes later the phone rings again.

Derek: Hey, is Grandpa there?
Me: No he’s not. (another lie)
Derek: He’s not?
Now he’s making me mad because of his little condescending tone.
Me: No, he’s not.
Derek: Wow, where is he?
Me: Getting Grandma’s prescription with David.
Derek: Ohh… when will they be back?
Me: I don’t know.
Derek: Well, where did they go?
Me: I don’t know, I didn’t ask.
Derek: How far away is the pharmacy?
Me: I don’t know the mileage. What’s so important? Do you want me to leave Grandpa a message?
Derek: You don’t know the mileage?
Me: *silence*
Derek: I guess I’ll call back then.

So we hang up, I crawl upstairs and into my bed to try and get some sleep. Before I get fully into bed I call my sister and explain my parents money situation, which is that they don’t have $1400 lying around to give her scamming arse. After that, I call Keith and I’m chatting with him when the phone rings (I was on my cell) again. (20 minute time laps) I jump out of bed and sure enough, it’s the little arse hole.

Derek: Grandpa back yet?
Me: Nope.
Derek: No?!

Again with the condescending tone.

Me: Have you talked with your mom?
Derek: No, why?
Me: Is this about the money?
Derek: You’re not supposed to know about that.
Me: Well, I really think you should talk to your mom.

The portable phone dies; I shrug and roll over in bed expecting another call. When it does I take my time answering it.

Derek: What happened?
Me: Portable died.
Derek: Ahh… I thought you hung up on me.
Me: Nope.
Derek: So, is Grandpa there?
Me: No.
Derek: He’s not?
Me: Nope!
Derek: Ok, well… I’ll call back later.

We hang up and the phone rings 5 minutes later.

Derek (in a “disguised” voice): Is Bob there?
Me: No he’s not.
Derek (laughing): Come on! Are you lying to me?
Me: Yup.
Derek: Why can’t I speak to Grandpa?
Me: I think you need to speak to your mother.
Derek: I don’t want to talk to my mom, I want to talk to my Grandpa.
Me: Well, too bad. You can call all you’d like, sweetie, you’re not talking to Grandpa.
My sister obviously taught him how to attack the weakest link.
Derek (while I’m speaking): I’m gonna call tonight, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day…
Me: That’s fine, I’ll be here!
Derek: You’re not their secretary!
Me: Yup, sure am. So whacha want?
Derek: No you’re not! Let me talk to Grandpa!
Me: Hun, maybe when you grow up you’ll understand…
Derek: Oh, WHAT-ever. *click*

That little crap hole can call all he wants… I’ll be waiting. Apparently he called my brother David and asked to talk to Bob, but my brother was also not impressed and read him the riot act. He asked, “Does it even register over there ANYWHERE that my MOTHER was in the E-M-E-R-G-E-N-C-Y room today? Anyone?” To say the least, Derek hasn’t attempted to call since. At least not to my knowledge.

And that was my Tuesday from h-e-double hockey sticks.