Carpet Mayhem

So, I looked around today and decided to take a count of the red stains I’d made on the carpeting over the recent months. I walked from room-to-room (oh yes, in more than one spot!) and counted at least four. One was smallish, but in the living room so highly noticeable, two are in my bedroom and small, and the last one is in my parent’s bedroom. Damn that kool-aid! Why does the tropical punch flavor have to be my favorite? Rude. So, I clearly need a sippy cup.

ANYWAY, I decided I needed to do something about said stains, I’ve tried NUMBEROUS things. I’ve been all over the ‘net looking. I stumbled across a wonderful stain site called “Barefoot Lass”. There are about a zillion different things for getting stains out of just about anything, including my horrible red kool-aid stain. The only problem I’m having is… NONE OF THEM WORK! Salt, Spot Shot, dish soap, hand soap, ivory soap… what the heck, is his stuff put out by carpet manufacturers? Insane, I’m telling you. So I’m currently testing a different thing out on each stain. Which ever one comes out clean gets to be… umm…used 3 more times.

On a much funnier subject I was shown this HILARIOUS site about Canada’s accomplishments, and how they…. well pretty much suck. I’ll post a few here, just because they made me laugh so hard: (First I’d like to warn you, this site has swearing so …beware an’ stuff.)

#5) What Country Besides Canada Would NEED a Law Against Dwarf Tossing?
Bill 97 2003
An Act to ban dwarf tossing
Her Majesty, by and with the advice and consent of the Legislative Assembly of the Province of Ontario, enacts as follows:
Dwarf tossing banned1.
(1) No person shall organize a dwarf tossing event or engage in dwarf tossing.
Offence(2)
A person who contravenes subsection (1) is guilty of an offence and on conviction is liable to a fine of not more than $5,000 or to imprisonment for a term of not more than six months, or to both.
Commencement2.
This Act comes into force on the day it receives Royal Assent.
Short title3.
The short title of this Act is the Dwarf Tossing Ban Act, 2003.

Wait, it gets better…

#9) Where Else Besides Canada Could You Find a Town Called “DILDO?”

When I heard about DILDO ISLAND, Newfoundland, I pictured a porn movie spoof of one of those 60’s Sci-Fi movies with Amazons clad in fur bikinis. It’s probably closer to the truth that this town gets its name from its population of bored fishermen’s wives. This haven for tourists boasts a gloomy sky, a Lion’s Club, Hefford’s Appliances, Darlene’s Hair Care, and an outdoor swimming pool to cool off on those sweaty summer days when the temperature gets up to a sticky 50ºF/11ºC. Can you imagine saying, “Yes sir! I go to Dildo Baptist Church and I’m on the Dildo Public School Board?” Conveniently, for easy access, Dildo is located off SPREAD EAGLE BAY and perhaps more frighteningly, DILDO ARM. If Dildo’s not your speed, or if Dildo Arm makes you sore to even imagine, you could head down the road to PLACENTA BAY, or CONCEPTION BAY, Newfoundland. I’m sure they’re charming locales.

Yes, … I know you have to be crying with laughter too. Or maybe just crying period. At the end of the page there are several things that Canadian’s brag about and he puts the bragging to rest. For example:

“We invented Hockey!”
BZZZZZZZZZZZZT! BZZZZZZZT! Hockey was invented in Europe. Field hockey was played over 500 years ago in several European countries, and in the winter it was played on frozen ponds. It was later brought to North America by British troops. Woo-woo! Inventing the Zamboni doesn’t mean you invented hockey. Oh, but wait. Despite your claims, you didn’t invent that either, liars. Read on.

“We invented the Zamboni!”
Frank Zamboni was an Italian American living in, get this, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA when he invented his famous ice resurfacing machine. Zambonis are made in his original Southern Californian factory to this day.

The pure hatred pouring from this site is enough to make me erupt in laughter. Were I ever to meet this wonderful man, I would kiss him squarely on the lips for making my day. I *DARE* one of those Canucks to send me an email about this crap again. Please… please!!!